Retirement from government

I gathered some good information today about work after retirement, and I couldn't wait to write about it. But, now I can't because I am too pissed off at Congress and how they are screwing us all with this health care bill. The Democrats can go to hell with the Republicans. Right now I'm not sure I will ever vote again. There is no excuse for this except they are all a bunch of immoral idiots in the pockets of the insurance companies and Wall Street. I hereby declare my retirement from government.

Tiring week and it's only Tuesday!

I am so tired! The journal is going to suffer this week--sorry Annie. I started the week tired, and it's only building. I've been enjoying what I have been doing at work, but I really wanted to have my psyche somewhere else today, and I had to push it aside. I watched a movie last night, not a great movie, but it was set in New Orleans and the characters and story captured me. And then I had a dream, involving a friend, that I am sure grew out of the movie somehow and was intertwined with it. If only I had been able to stay in bed another hour or so to process that dream! Now, if I tried to go back to it, I know it would not be the same real dream world I was in, but a fictionalized account, and that would feel so wrong.

I’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense to you. I’m not sure it makes any sense to me. I just know I feel this loss because of it. Maybe I just need to get some sleep. . .

Feng shui my brain

The weekend is over. I have to go back to work tomorrow, and I did not get any cleaning done! I hate that. It makes going back on Mondays worse. I was gone all day yesterday attending a conference in Dallas, so today I had to recover from the long day and ride. Now I have to face the week knowing that I am not likely to have any energy to do any cleaning when I get home from work, which means that I get to live in a dirty house all week. Now, I realize that my house is not horribly dirty, but I would like it more if it were cleaner. It really needs serious feng shuing. If it had that, I am sure the house would practically clean itself. The reality is that I will not have time to give it the thorough clutter cleansing it requires until I am retired--mostly because it is going to take me weeks, if not months, to get it done since I have a short attention span for such things. In the meantime I will hope that nobody comes over.

What a relief it can be

During my first year of graduate school I realized that I had become psychologically addicted to the total sense of relief I felt at the end of each semester. It is similar to the feeling of leaving a job--it's over and there is no point in worrying about whether you could have done better, done more. What makes school unique is that you know the relief fix is going to come at regular intervals, though it sometimes feels as if it is taking its time.

Why am I talking about this? Because I am pretty sure that I am going to experience a huge, I mean HUGE, relief for sometime after I retire. But, what happens after that? Will I miss that relief? Or will I find retirement so blissful that it will seem rather humorous (since I will be in such a state of bliss that EVERYTHING will seem humorous) that I ever found that relief so appealing? Will it be like the difference between Palo Duro Canyon and the Grand Canyon?

Monday Monday

Today was one of those Mondays! Too much craziness, too much work, and I was way too tired. I guess I am just too old to stay out until three in the morning on Saturday and expect to be completely awake on Monday. I still managed to get some things accomplished that really needed to be done. It felt good.

But, then there was an "impromptu faculty meeting." I hate politics. And I hate that it seems like public school educators are always being attacked. My school has made amazing advances in the past few years, but it doesn't get recognition for the progress, only the problems. It gets very frustrating. I know my blood pressure is going to correct itself after I retire.

Getting Younger

Yesterday I was talking to a friend and she told me about some other friends of hers that had been retired for several years. She said it was amazing how much younger they looked after several years of retirement. And I just got an email from a nephew who was layed off several months ago. He said that losing the stress from working "is nearly priceless." How can I ignore that?

No Sub for Retirement

Last night my stomach was an absolute mess, and this morning I woke up with swollen, painful glands. So, as I was making endless, fruitless calls early this morning in an attempt to find a substitute, I realized that not having to do this anymore will be yet another advantage of retirement. I won't ever have to call in a sub. I hate going down that list, calling people I don't know, often waking them up, only to be told they can't do it. When I no longer have to do that I'll be able to enjoy being ill because I won't have to feel guilty about inconveniencing anyone else!

Of course even though I felt bad about not being able to go to work today, I still took advantage of being home. I re-read Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen. It's an enchanting book with wonderful characters. One of my favorite characters is Lester Hopkins because as a young boy, watching his grandfather "living the life of Reilly" he decided "he wanted to grow up and be retired." A kindred soul.

Limbo

Remember how I said that I have been thinking about retiring ever since my first day of full-time work? Well, now that I am pretty sure I will retire at the end of this school year, I seem to be obsessed with thinking about it. Maybe I'm thinking about it more because I am writing this blog. Or maybe I am writing this blog in order to deal with the fact that I am thinking about it so much more. I don't know. I feel sort of like I'm in a retirement limbo. A place where you go until you can get it all figured out. And you don't get released into real world of retirement until you've solved all the pieces of the retirement puzzle.

Fixed Income

The last few years one of my favorite passtimes has been estimating the soonest my "fixed income" will be high enough to get me through the rest of my life. I didn't quite understand this concept of fixed income before--or just how scary it is. It's really all a guestimate. I can only imagine what life is going to be like in twenty years. How in the world am I supposed to be able to figure out how much money I will need to live in it? But, today anyway, I'm thinking that since it is an unknown, at some point you just have to trust that you'll work things out as you need to.

Warning: This Job May be Hazardous to Your Health

OK, so I went to work today and was told that another faculty member (I believe he is the same age as me) had suffered a near heart attack the night before and was in the hospital. On top of that, our registrar had fallen this morning and broke her hip! I realize that these are just freaky coincidences, but I have started to think that maybe I should consider retiring in December!

I went to work yesterday to learn that two of the men teachers, both probably a few years older than me, had suffered medical emergencies over the weekend. One had a heart attack, but is expected to be back at work in two weeks. The other teacher had a stroke and is still in a drug-induced coma. This news helped to cement my belief that retiring after this year would probably be wise.

I hope my fellow teachers recover completely. And I hope they will think about retiring as well.

Exercise this

I really like to exercise. It makes me feel more energetic, more alive. I get so much more done when I exercise regularly. That's why I am really looking forward to retirement--so I can get more regular exercise, be more alive, do more. However, it is really difficult for me, no; make that impossible for me to get a regular exercise schedule going while I am working. Where do I find the time? I don't have it before I go off to work, instead I use the time I do have to do yoga at home. After work I have to get home to Elvis, because he's been standing around with his legs crossed for hours (or worse still, he has hoisted it in his crate). When we get back from his walk, it's time to start dinner. Going after dinner is out because I want to spend some time with Elvis and he-who-shall-not-be-named, and after that it would be way too late to get pumped up from exercise. I already have enough trouble getting to sleep; besides there are so many other things that need to be done before I can crawl into bed. It's a catch twenty-two situation--I'm too tired and don't have enough time to go get the exercise that would give me more energy to get things done.

I suppose, existentially speaking, I am not being truthful to myself, and that I must not really want to exercise, or I would. But, it's been a long time since I read any of the existentialists, and I've forgotten most of it anyway. With all due respect, Nietzsche didn't live in the twenty-first century, so what does he know about the truth of living today?

Going to the movies

Another thing I have been looking forward to in retirement is being able to go to movies during the day. There's something special about going to the movies when everyone else is at work. One time when I called in well and went to a movie, I was the only person in the theater! That was so cool. I've even thought that I'd get a job selling tickets at the theater up the street so I could see all of the movies for free.

I haven't been to as many movies in the past few years. It seems like when I was younger I would go to almost every movie when it came out. I don't know if it's just that I've been too busy, too poor, or just not as interested, but I don't go to the movies nearly as much as I used to. I do, however, make a point of seeing all of the major academy award nominated films so I can be prepared for my annual academy awards party.

But, I did take myself to a movie today, and it felt great. So, I'm thinking that, while I may not go to the movies as much when I retire as I used to think I would, I'll go when I need to, when I want to.

Freedom to be me

The other night I dreamed about my retirement party. I'm not sure I really want a retirement party when the time arrives, though I am sure I will celebrate in some way. The thing I like about dreams, however, is that they are often like my wildest imagination on steroids. This one sure was. Actually, it wasn't so much a retirement "party" as a "retirement academy awards," or maybe a "retirement pageant." I was standing at the top of these pyramid steps leading up to the entrance of a building that looked like some sort of art gallery. There was a group playing music (perhaps Raul Malo), and a celebrity host (George Clooney?) announcing people as they arrived, and presenting my retirement award. I had on a beautiful gown, and looked at least twenty years younger with my hair done up, smiling radiantly. I waved at friends, family, and former colleagues as they arrived, and ran down to greet them and escort them up to the party. Everyone was so dazzled by it all, and so happy to see me so happy. It was the most fantastic feeling of complete freedom to be me! I fought waking up that morning and going to work.

Don't touch my Red Bull

A colleague/friend came into the library today to vent about the fact that, once again, someone had removed some common-use materials from the teacher workroom, making them unavailable to her when she needed them. To add to her frustration was the fact that whoever took the items, did not bother to leave a note saying where they had taken them, or when (or if) they would bring them back! This is rude, inconsiderate and selfish. Someone once took one of my Red Bulls out of the refrigerator, leaving me without one. I NEEDED that Red Bull! In those days I would turn into a bear in the afternoons if I didn't have one. It was a mean and dangerous thing taking it. So, I was glad when my friend came to vent. She needed to get some of that anger out. Besides, it was only fair since I had been in her classroom the day before ranting about my own work related frustrations.

Of course I don't expect to always agree with what goes on at work, nor even to like it. But, there comes a time when you know that you just don't want to deal with it any longer; when it is time to move on.

Loudon Wainwright III and the Cohen brothers

Well, last night's margarita was very rough on me, which was a total surprise. I have never had a bad reaction to tequila. Now I am worried that the margarita Mondays may have to turn into beer nights, which will be very sad because, while I like beer, there has never been anything like the feeling I get from tequila. It's magic.

With an excruciating headache and chills, I found it impossible to get to sleep. This would not have been a big problem if I had not needed to go to work today. However, my assistant had a funeral to attend this morning, so calling in sick was not an option. The morning wasn't bad, but around 1:00 o'clock in the afternoon I crashed, and then nothing was good. I had to go to a meeting, and it was cold, and I was irritated by stuff we were discussing, and then I had to come home and fix dinner . . . all while being totally exhausted. I know that none of the things that were driving me so crazy this afternoon would have been such big deals if I had only been able to sleep in this morning. When I am retired, I'll be able to do that when needed.

Now you are asking yourself what does this have to do with Loudon Wainwright or the Cohen brothers? Well, after dinner The Big Lebowski was on TV and it is probably the funniest movie ever made. So, laughing at it put me in a great mood and reminded me of the truth of Loudon Wainwright's song, "Movies Are a Mother to Me." I may be watching a lot of movies this year!