Cosmic balance

Yesterday I learned that there is a cosmic balance to the retirement universe. I realized this when I was told that my good friend, Kim, who had retired several years ago, accepted a job a few weeks after I retired. I figure it is like my friend, Becky's, theory that there is only so much fat in the world, and if someone around you is losing weight, you must be gaining it.  So, I retired, and now Kim is back at work.  Now, of course Kim had been working independently since she retired, but that is not the same as working for someone else.  I imagine, too, that having a job after you are retired is not as weighty as having a job before you are retired.  It has to be much easier to quit if you just can't take the BS.  You might even be able to sail right over the BS with a grin.  But, I am a little concerned about this cosmic balance for the near future, as my friend Renee will be retiring in a few weeks.  In no way am I ready to go back to work!

Boycott schedules

The cosmos has been weird this past week.  OK, so I'm sure it is just me that has been weird, but I haven't felt very retired for several days now.  I think it is because I have felt too scheduled, and I don't want to be scheduled!  That's part of why I retired--so I could be more spontaneous.  I'm going to try cutting the workout schedule for a while. I'll just take it a day at a time.  I'll just do whatever exercise I want to do.  The important thing is to exercise.  I also feel like I am just running errands all the time.  Where did they all come from?  How did I ever get anything done when I was working.  I suppose that is the point--most of them didn't get done.  But, I need to get over this feeling that I have to do them all right away.  The reality is that most of them, maybe none of them, need to get done any time too soon.  I keep waiting for the "normal" retirement to happen, but maybe this is the normal.

Optimizing options

One of my favorite Tom Robbins quotes is from Even Cowgirls Get the Blues:  "It is questionable, for that matter, whether success is an adequate response to life.  Success can eliminate as many options as failure."  That is how work, my career, felt for me.  So much of my time, and most of my energy, went into my job that I didn't have enough of either left over to explore all the other things that I was interested in doing or learning about.  I felt like I was constantly shuffling my "outside of work" time trying to fit in as many of my interests as possible.  But, I never felt like I had time to get very deep into anything. Maybe I will always feel that way, but at least now I have the opportunity to find out.  I realize that I am still not going to be able to do everything--even in retirement I won't have that much time, so I think I need to explore for a while until I settle upon a direction.  Then once I have headed in a certain direction, I need to stay open to changing course if I want to, and I don't need to feel guilty if I do.

A different angle

So here I have been going along, breezing through this retirement gig, feeling like life is just going to be one big bowl of cherries, when all of a sudden I am slammed into reality today! I felt like Giselle in the movie Enchanted when she first experienced anger. What a surprise. I realize now that what upset me today really was not a big deal, and that I made it a big deal and stressed myself out about it. But the sad part was realizing that retirement life is not always going to be enchanting. I guess I am still in the real world. I'm just approaching it from a different angle.

The mornings I've dreamed about

Today was the perfect post-retirement morning I have dreamed about for years. After taking Elvis for a walk, I went to a couple of exercise classes. Then I came home and watered the plants outside, picked some basil and garlic chives, fixed myself an egg using the fresh herbs, and a cup of PG Tips. When they were ready I sat down and ate my breakfast (the eggs were delicious) while reading the paper and working the crossword puzzle, Elvis snoozing nearby. No hurries no worries. It was heavenly.

Going with the flow

Another day of going with the flow . . . I'm very good at this, and I am not really concerned about becoming a total slug. I trust that I will know when it is time to disengage from this stream-of-consciousness journey and start heading in a purposeful direction. I am, after all, still in my post-retirement thinking and planning stage. This is time for a brainstorming of sorts--let the ideas come, and see which, if any stick. I don't want to close of any options by attaching myself to any particular one too soon. For instance, one possibility that occurred to me today was that maybe I should be a retirement coach. Not the kind that helps people with their finances, but more like a motivational coach. It could be fun. I could travel around and make lots of money opening future possibilities for people while making them laugh. Hmmm, let's see what ideas come to me tomorrow.

I've always liked breezeways

I feel as if I am in the breezeway between the work phase and the retirement phase of my life. It's like summer break, except that I am not weighed down by the knowledge that I am going to be going back to work in a month or so. It's a nonchalant feeling. All I have to do is stroll toward that entrance on the other side of the breezeway. Maybe it's because my friend, Carmen, planted the thought in my brain, but my complete feeling of retirement probably won't come until school goes back into session. While I am here (in the breezeway) I will continue to think, plan, rethink and replan.

The perfect party

My retirement party, Big Lebowski style, was amazing and far-out--and that's not "just [my] opinion man." We all had a great time drinking White Russians and bowling. My friends were so creative and generous in the entire effort. I can't thank them enough. All I can say is, "WOW." I love you ladies, and I love being free!

Better than tequila

Well, I have a week of retirement behind me, and I have enjoyed every minute of it. The stress is gone; the anxiety is gone; the worries are gone; but the thrill is still very strong. This overriding sense of freedom and adventure is intoxicating. It's an amazing feeling. Maybe it is arrogant of me, but I truly do feel sorry for people who are not able to embrace their retirement in this way.

I haven't done anything in particular--I've purposely not. Instead I chose, except for keeping doctor's appointments, to make stream-of-consciousness rule my actions. (I always enjoyed it in literature, so why not try it in my life.) It worked beautifully, and seemed so appropriate for my first week of freedom.

Tomorrow my friends have arranged a Big Lebowski retirement party at a bowling alley for me. I can't wait to drink my first White Russian!

Freedom--Day One

In most ways my first day of retirement was not much different from other summer break days, except that the underlying anxiety was non-existent. That of course, is the main thing I wanted from retirement. I've never had any fears about getting bored, partly because boredom is a concept I don't really believe in. I had a doctor's appointment this morning, and my blood pressure was perfect! I did a little jig in the doctor's office and her nurse said she hated me because she wants to be retired.

I never lacked for things to do, and as a consequence, I am very tired. We'll see how day two goes, although I am not sure weekends count. I'll have to ponder that.

I like a good book

Tomorrow is my last day at work! It's interesting--it has felt so good and now that I am so close, it seems rather surreal--like I will walk out of the school tomorrow, and it will be as ifI am walking out of the pages of a very interesting book, with no regrets, and no firm destination, just knowing that I will walk until I find the next book that draws me into its pages.

My High School Graduation, Revisited

I had no idea that there would be a retirement dinner for all of the retirees, but when I got the invitation in the mail, I knew I would have to attend. I was curious about it. Plus, it made me feel a bit like Jack Nicholson in ABOUT SCHMIDT--maybe I should start corresponding with a kid from Tanzania. Nah. But the food was really good, and all 200+ of us marched up when our names were called and got our certificates and shook hands with School Board members, etc. It really was just like graduating from high school for the second time--only it felt a whole lot better this time! The Superintendent wasn't there, however, to ask me where I was going to go to college . . .

I like oysters

I hope actually being retired feels as good as being this close to retirement feels. If it does, the rest of my life is going to feel pretty danged good! I want to tell everybody at work who is unhappy about something or other (and let's face it, there is usually something to be unhappy about in any work place), "Hey, just retire, it won't matter anymore!" Retiring is an amazing elixir for the things that can drive one crazy at work. I see these things now and I think, "Eh, I'm sorry about how it will affect these people," but I don't have to be stressed about it. I've left jobs before, and it was always a great relief, but it didn't compare to this feeling. I feel now like my life is truly MY oyster. I will be as close as I will ever be to financial independence, and freedom to do what I want, when I want. And while my finances will limit me, I will compensate with my interests and imagination, which are pretty much boundless. So, I am very excited to see what I will do.

Leap to freedom

OK folks, the paperwork has been processed! I have NINE, that's 9 more days of work! A very pleasant and wondrous surprise is that I am even more excited than I ever imagined I would be. It feels completely right. Little things pop into my head and give me a rush. For instance, tonight while getting clothes ready for the week, I realized--I won't have to do it like this anymore. I felt that chore fly right off my shoulders. And I know that other surprises are going to slam into me producing even more thrills. By the last day of work I will be so high they will probably bring the pot sniffing dogs to school to check me out!

It's complicated . . .

I sure hope being retired isn't as complicated as retiring! My brain is hurting from all the decisions I'm having to make. Wah wah wah . . . I went to a financial advisor who suggested an option that had not even been on my radar, and now I am trying to see if I can get comfortable with it. Can I become more frugal? I don't think I live very extravagantly as it is, yet he was wondering where I spend all my money! I guess I eat it. If I could know for sure that I will be able to get a part-time job everything would be easier. I realize, of course, that I am very fortunate because I am retiring and not being laid off, so I feel rather selfish worrying about this, but it is a reality. What to do, what to do?

Feeling all is right

I confess I had a few moments of anxiety Friday, after submitting my retirement notice. I was really surprised by the feelings since this is something that I have looked forward to for so long. It kind of scared me. Where did this anxiety come from and what was it about? So, I went in,looked at it, and realized that the fear was that I would be so intoxicated by my new-found freedom to not do any particular thing at any particular time, that I would become a sloth. I tried that on for a bit and realized there was no way I would be able to let that happen. I have too many things I have wanted to do and learn for so long. Besides, the first thing I have planned is to get into the best shape I have ever been. Once I'm there, I will feel so good I will want to do it all.

It's OFFICIAL!

It seems a bit surreal right now, but I sent my online retirement notice to the District office today! I called Cut right before I pushed the "send" button so he could reassure me. A new life is actually right around the corner! The picture of freedom it presents is rather intoxicating at the moment. . .
I hope the world doesn't interfere.