Close call

Whew! I thought I'd deleted this whole thing. I could see my whole retirement slipping away. Panic! Gasp! As soon as I can I'm going to save all my posts. I don't want a scare like that again.

It seems like I keep getting my information wires crossed at work lately. This has me worried for a number of reasons, but mostly because it makes me wonder if the information I think I have learned about retirement pay, etc. is correct. Especially since everyone seems skeptical when I tell them what I have found out about it. Of course I intend to double check all this with the school district and the state before I actually retire, but still it makes one a little nervous.

Ecstasy in the HEB

I spent my lunch hour today, as I do far too many lunch hours, running errands. One of my stops was the HEB to pick up a salad to take back to school to eat. All of a sudden I heard someone calling my name excitedly. It was the library assistant at one of the other schools--one that has year-round school. She was ecstatic because she was off for a week! She was very much enjoying herself. She didn't have to rush through the store like I did. She could get into the zen of the whole HEB experience, and I am sure everything else she did today. It was like getting a picture of just how joyful my life will be when I no longer have to go to a job forty hours a week!

Enlighten me--please!

I went to a Buddhist meditation this morning. She talked about emptying our minds so we can understand our interdependence with others. In this way we can become more accepting of others and ourselves and not be so distracted when they piss us off. Well, I guess what she was really saying was that if we can really achieve this emptiness, we won't really get upset and pissed off anymore. And I was thinking, I was getting this information a week too late. I could have really used it last week at work when I had to spend three days on my feet administering a test, while there were others who didn’t have to do any of it! If I'd only known how to empty all those thoughts about how physically exhausted I was, how much pain my lower body was experiencing, how my work was not getting done, how I was probably going to catch the H1N1 from one those sickly kids, or how badly I needed to go to the bathroom--if all those things hadn't been racing around in my mind, I probably could have really enjoyed that experience. Yea, and monkeys could have flown . . .

I think this emptying skill is going to take a great deal of practice on my part!

Too tired to tango

I really was going to write something everyday--but that was before school started again. This week I have been on my feet almost the entire day for the past three days watching kids take their state exams for the second time. I am too exhausted to think. I wish I had a quiet weekend ahead, but instead it is pretty full. It's all stuff I want to do, but I'm just sure I would be able to enjoy everything more if I weren't so tired. Maybe the meditation planned for Sunday morning will bring it all into perspective for me. For now, I'll just go to sleep.

Blocks, fears or excuses? That is the question. . .

In case you were wondering, writing is not easy. At times it is even painful. So, why continue? It's not like I'm getting paid to do this. I could retire from it at any time. I guess I think, or at least I hope, I am learning something. What I fear is that so far I have not learned much beyond that writing is difficult and can be painful. I hope, however, that if I can just keep it up long enough, I will have a writing epiphany. Wow, I long for that epiphany like Jack Kerouac longed for the road. (That one's for the book club.) And while I want to retire from work, I don't want to retire from learning. Quite the opposite--I want to retire from work so I can learn about the other things that interest me. So, as long as I think there is still a possibility of greater insight into either retirement or writing, I'll keep reaching for them.

And this isn't what I had planned to write about tonight!

Numbers anyone?

I had fun playing with spreadsheets and numbers today. I can get immersed in spreadsheets, budgets, statistics, and graphs. Maybe I should have been an accountant. What's wrong with me anyway?

WOW! Here it is half-way through October, and I've only posted four times this month! Am I lazy, tired, bored or too busy? I suspect it's a little of all. I know it is not that I've been thinking less about retirement. I'm sure I am boring everyone I know with it. Some days I feel like I radiate it--like I'm a retirement transmitter. It's kind of an odd feeling--knowing those retirement waves are going out there, permeating the universe. I just hope they aren't doing any damage. I really have no control over them, or me it seems. . .

Head in sand

I had lunch with some dear friends from my former place of employment today. It was great to see them, and we ate at one of the old haunts, which made it extra special. In some ways I feel like we've grown up together, but I guess it's more like we've grown old together. The conversation, as it always does, turned to retirement. I love being able to talk to them and hear their plans, how they are preparing. I know I'm not nearly as prepared as they are, but I can't let that stop me. They both have a financial adviser. I decided years ago that I would never be able to do what that guy thought I should to be prepared, so I never went back--solved that problem. But, I am glad they are following his advice--maybe they'll take me in for a little while if I can't make it!

Monday mourning

I don't have to work tomorrow! Wow--that feels so good. It hasn't been a bad year, and I have always tried to subscribe to a friend of mine's theory that once you reach Halloween, the school year is almost over because you slide on into Thanksgiving and the winter holidays, and before you know it summer is here! It really feels that way too. It's just that it is such a whirlwind that you're almost always tired. I just want to be able to sleep late, or at least not have to worry about it if I have trouble getting to sleep.

So, I will enjoy this weekend and try not to think about how Monday morning is going to be here all too soon.

Lucky me

I have to write this very quickly, otherwise i will fall asleep. I just wanted to report on my winnings today! No, I didn't turn in my new scratch-off and try again. But, I did get a telephone call from Borders this morning informing me that I was one of three educator winners of a gift bag. I hustled on down to Borders so I could pick out the best one. They were all really nice. The bag is lovely, and it was filled with some very useful thngs. Some were good for the library, and others I gave to my assistant, one of my favorite English teachers, and a couple I kept for myself. So, I am a winner! Things are looking up for a comfortable retirement! Scratch-off here I come . . .

A winner

The other night I dreamed that I won $10,000,000 on a scratch-off lottery ticket. Of course, I always interpret things like that as omens. So today I bought a scratch-off. I don't think they have one for $10,000,000, so I just asked the guy for the dollar scratch-off with the highest payout. It turned out to be $500 a week for twenty years. Now that would be a nice supplement to my retirement pay.

The back of the ticket informed me that I had a 1 in 6 million chance of winning that $500 a week. I know that may not sound like very good odds, but I'm one in over 6,789,000,000 people in the world, so it seemed to me my odds of winning on this scratch-off are better than that. I was psyched. Once I got the ticket, I had to decide whether I should scratch it off right then, or wait until I got home. How was I to know if that decision would affect the karma of whether I won or lost. Since I had to meet someone at home, I decided to wait. When I got home, I had to walk Elvis. Again, the scratching was postponed. Finally, after Elvis and I got home and he had some fresh water and hugs, it was time for the scratch-off!

And now you are wondering if I won. And yes, I did. I won enough to buy another scratch-off tomorrow. The way I see it, my odds are even better now!

Is this real or Memorex?

I don't know how this could have happened, but last night at our Monday night dinner, the conversation turned to my retirement! "Crazy C" had joined us for dinner. She and I have been tossing around the idea of job sharing next year. Mr. Edd, formerly known as He Who Shall Not be Named, said he was sure I would be just as busy in retirement. But, I worry about that. I have this fear that the fatigue I sometimes experience (okay my increasingly natural tendency to be lazy) will keep me from learning and doing all of the things I have been anticipating for all of these years. What if all I do is watch movies?